لا إله

Welcome. I will not be sharing my real name, so just call me Yasmin. I was born in an Arab country, but now live in the US. Even though I was raised muslim, I came to resent my faith. It wasn't my "exposure to the immoral west" that corrupted me. It was the contradictions I saw in what I was taught. I was taught that Allah is the only God, and that very one else is wrong. And yet as I went and made friends with people of other faiths, something struck me as odd. Every single person, whether Christian, or Jewish, or Buddhist, or something else entirely, every single person belived they were right. These were smart and kind people I considered as my friends. They each had their own "proofs" that their religion was the correct one, and that the other religious people were misled, by fools or tricksters. And a part of me thought, what if they're the correct ones? What if my Hindu friends have it all figured out, and when I die I won't go to heaven or hell, but reincarnate. What if my mormon or bahi friends are right? Is Islam's "solid proof" any more convincing than theirs?

I didnt leave my religion at that point, however. I had my doubts, but I still belived. My faith breaking moment came upon my realiziation that I'm queer. I "prayed the gay away" constantly, but it didn't really work. And I failed to see what was so morally wrong with my attraction. I wasn't having kids anyways, why would it matter if I was with a man or a woman? When my Islamic teacher told us of Lot, she had a smile on her face as she talked about their distruction. I asked her what they did wrong and she said they went against the will of Allah. I know some people interpret that part to be about the raping of angels, but I think it doesn't matter. If the vast majority of a religion belives something, that thing is part of the religion, even if it's not in the texts. This is something I will be coming back to later.

I wasn't really too aware of Satanism at that point. As I grew up the only real mention of it (other than religious people freaking out and accusing people of being devil worshippers) was my cousin confiding in me that she had a "Satanic Bible" that she was hiding from her mom. I was curious, but not enough to ask more questions. I've been vaguely intrested in satanism ever since, but I've only deeply researched it this year. I'm quite taken with the idea, but wearing upside down crosses didn't seem to apply for me. I mean, muslims don't belive jesus died on the cross, it wouldn't make sense that to reble against Islam. I scowered the internet looking for like-minded people. Satanists that shared my experiences and traumas with Islam. Even ex-muslim communities were lacking. So many of them were "Islam sucks but christianity is soooo much better", completely ignoring the valid issues with Islam, THAT CHRISTIANITY SHARES. Even worse were the zionist bots spewing hatred against anyone muslim. Just because I don't agree with someone doesn't mean I want their whole race genocided! General Atheist communities were worse. People posting pictures of ladies wearing the hijab and abaya and calling them stupid or sheep, when no one bats an eye about nuns. And here's the thing! I hate modesty culture. I once threw my hijab out of a car window. And yet I find myself defending these ladies, who never asked for their pictures to be taken and used by some brain dead redditor. I often think of the saying, "Sometimes you have to side with someone you disagree with to defend against someone dangerous." because as much as I hate the policing of women's clothing, I think the racism that is shown in online spaces is much more dangerous. The hypocrisy of critiquing a religion that polices women's clothing, but policing a woman's clothing makes me sick.

But I am majorly getting off point. The point I was trying to make, is that, I felt like there wasn't an online space for Satanism seen through an Islamic lense. And as I often find myself resorting to, I went, "Fine. I'll do it myself." And so this is my attempt at it. I'm not sure what more I'll add to this website. I have literally worked on it for 1 day. And I am not using a template or anything, as is probably obvious. I'll be seeing what more I can add to it, as for now it will be mostly a blog format. I spent the majority of my time making this website working on the wallpaper, which is what my proposed symbol for islamic satanism is. Making a seamless wrapping wallpaper is suprisingly hard. Graphic design is my passion D: . I started off this ramble trying to seem cool and dark and mysterious with the "Welcome", but it has deranged into whatever this is. Whatever. I will be updating this as long as my adhd will let me, then I will drop it like a hot potato and rememer it exisits in 2-3 years. See you in 2-3 years.